The “pumpkin patch” we went to was really just a church selling pumpkins.  And the sun was bright out and Matthew didn’t want to look up. 

But we still got a couple decent photos.

And now he has his own pumpkin so I’ll have to take more pictures here at home.

6 months old today.  Half a year old.

 

*BLINK*

 

 

Yes, I cried.

It was my goal to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months.  I didn’t make it.  I could have.  I just chose not to.

Matthew has been going through a spell where he wakes up at night…often.  I don’t really know why.  He keeps rolling onto his back, then crying.  Then I have to nurse him back to sleep.  Developmental (though he’s been able to roll for a while)?  Hunger?  Teething?  Who knows.

So I had already been feeling like he was ready for solids.  Finally I just said screw it, I am giving him some rice cereal and seeing if it helps.  He was about 6 days shy of being 6 months old when I started.  The first night he only woke once and I was all “Hurrah!  Rice cereal!”  Night two and he was back to waking several times. 

I do think he was ready.  I just feel bad in some ways that I didn’t meet my goal.  I just have to keep telling myself it was only a week.  And I don’t think 6 days “early” really matters.  I certainly don’t always do everything the way I thought I would anyway.  Case in point, the other night I was desperate for sleep so when he woke the first time, I took him downstairs with me, and we co-slept.  I don’t intend to do that every night, but on the nights when he keeps waking and waking?  Yeah.  It still wasn’t great sleep for me because I woke every time he’d even think about moving or anytime he made the slightest of noises.  But still, I was not trudging up and down the stairs.  Co-sleeping is actually do-able now that he isn’t spitting up volumes of milk all the time. 

Anyway, my boy now eats his rice cereal.  I thought I’d be sad about it and I guess I am, just a little.  But ah well, he needs his iron.  And it’s kind of fun to feed it to him.  He’s still my little baby.  And he still loves his booby.

Pictures!

“Hey baby”

This is the first time I’ve caught the full blown flirty smile on camera.  This what he does over my shoulder at people.  It’s his “I’m pretending to be shy but really I’m not and aren’t I sooo cute” smile.

I was thinking of using this outfit for his 6 month pictures but I think it’s already too small…

I am still trying to figure out what colors his eyes are.

If you tell me brown, I will smack you.

-I went to CVS today in my pajamas, but it doesn’t matter since I went through the drivethru, right?  Matthew, however, was dressed.  But only because he peed on his sleeper when I changed his diaper.

-I met actual real life attachment parenting moms today.  A mom who had babylegs on her daugher and a cloth diaper.  A toddler wearing an amber teething necklace.  A mom who did a homebirth.  Pretty neat.

-I am really liking my Beco baby carrier.  I wore Matthew in it to his first football game.  It was nice to wear him, because then I had one hand for my umbrella and the other hand to hold onto the railing as I climbed up the bleachers.  The game was miserable weather wise and we did not stay long.  My hometown stadium is not so nice and I basically had to slog through several inches of standing water and/or mud to get anywhere.  Yuck.

-Matthew had his second trip to my mom’s house and it went pretty well.  I enjoyed being there but was glad to get back home.

-It was so incredibly adorable to see Matthew go from whining and fussing to smiling and babbling when he heard his daddy on the phone.  I know David was missing him, he bought a toy for him while we were gone.

-I really like my mother-in-law’s homemade cinnamon buns.

-My baby + a hoodie = cutest thing ever.  Pictures to prove this will come later.

My baby is 5 months old.  Wow.  It seems like the first couple months went by slowly at the time (hello reflux!) and now they are flying by more quickly.  I seemed to be ready for the newborn days but now I find myself realizing that I have no exersaucer or highchair or little tupperware things to store baby food in once we start solids.  Or baby gates.  My word, we are going to need baby gates!

Matthew at 5 months:  he smiles and laughs easily.  He has never met a stranger and has been told he is a flirt (when he gives a shy smile at someone over my shoulder) and that he is very engaging.  He loves people.  (Are you sure he came from me and David?!)  He loves music and he does NOT love going to sleep.  He is actually driving me a little nuts with this right now.  A lot nuts, some of the time actually.  He can go from happy to screaming pissed off in a matter of seconds.  He is still 100% breastfed (go me!) and I am actually starting to look forward to starting some solids in another month rather than gasping “NOOOO!  Mah baybeeee!”

In honor of my precious little boo bear who loves when I sing to him despite any off key moments: a song I have altered to fit my son.

To the tune of “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music.

Talking to daddy and kisses from mommy
When I am full with some milk in my tummy
Grandmas and grandpas and smiles that they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Bouncers and jumpers and soft pooh bear blankies
When I am changed from a diaper that’s stanky
I like to listen when my mommy sings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Chewing my fingers and rides in my stroller
Lions and footballs and when I roll over
Toys that play music and bright colored rings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the milk’s gone
When it’s bedtime
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.

I just wanted to say, I remember you.  My first baby.  Two years ago they told me your heart had stopped beating and I felt like my own would as well.

It is different now.  Exactly a year ago, on your angelversary, I saw Matthew on the ultrasound screen for the first time.  I wonder if you had anything to do with that.

This summer, Matthew wore one of the rompers that I had bought for you.  I thought you wouldn’t mind.  It made me smile to see that romper on your brother.  But I took one of the rompers and I put it back your box.  I thought you should have one that stays yours.

I wanted to get some flowers or a balloon for you.  But I was tired and Matthew was cranky and time slipped away.  Mostly, I just wanted to let you know that I could never forget you.  My tiny first baby.  I love you.

Milestones are happening, bing bang boom.

We made a trip to my parent’s house for Labor Day weekend.  Matthew was a pretty good traveler, now that he seems to be over his hatred of the carseat. 

He got to meet my dad for the first time and I was seeing my dad for the first time since March.  He is about the same, though there has been a lot going on in the past months.  Perhaps I’ll write more about that sometime.

I couldn’t believe how well Matthew seemed to sleep at the crib at my mom’s house.  Also, the first time we put him in there, he woke up from a nap and flipped onto his back!  His first time rolling over and I missed it!  He’s done it since then, however, so I got to marvel at his new skill.

Once we got back home and I put him back in his bassinet (actually a co-sleeper) he looked huuuge.  Whereas he looks so tiny in the crib.  I decided it was time to bite the bullet and have him start sleeping upstairs in his nursery.  I have been resisting this since our bedroom is downstairs and I hate the idea of having to trek upstairs too often in the middle of the night.  Also I admit to nursing him while browsing the internet, so that means a stop to that practice, at least while trying to get him to  sleep.  Which is probably for the best anyway.  He’s so nosy that me being at the computer is distracting to him and doesn’t help with the falling asleep process.

Baby boo the morning after the big move:

Tonight is his third night upstairs.  I was so sad when I saw the indentions on my bedroom carpet where the glider used to be (it’s upstairs now).  But according to my mother “Many women have tried to keep their babies small and none have succeeded” and also “You can’t keep squeezing him into that bassinet forever”.  Heh.  Yeah, it was time considering when he would thrash around, the whole bassinet would shake.

Everyone says it about children and I think I say it about once a week.  He’s growing up too fast.

For so long I was waiting…waiting to finish school, waiting to get married, waiting to TTC, waiting to get pregnant, waiting to have the baby.  And now?  I have arrived.  I’m here, right where I want to be.  And it’s going so fast.  I can’t say that “I am loving every minute” because let’s be honest, life is not like that. 

 

But it is pretty darn close.

My brother and his wife are adopting two kittens.  I am so happy that they are, and I can’t wait to meet the little balls of fluff this weekend when we’re all at my parent’s house. 

Since my brother is still in college, money is always a concern.  When they decided to get the 2nd kitten, I told them I’d bring them some extra cat dishes I have.  I found some toys as well since we have plenty of those.  They only have one carrier, which is fine for now, since kittens are small, but they will eventually need two.

I have two carriers but only one cat.  I had planned to let them borrow or  give them Justin’s old carrier.  But today when I thought about it again, it makes me dissolve in tears.  His carrier that we took him to the vet in, and later the emergency vet.  The carrier we took to the back, ready to place him in it and take him home.  But he never made if off the table.

I just can’t do it.

It’s been over 8 months now and some days I still feel my heart breaking all over again.

I miss you Justin.

Matthew’s 4 month visit was last Tuesday.  He weighed 15 lb, 10 oz , which is the 60-75% and was 25 and 3/4 inches long, which is the 75%.  After he got weighed he promptly peed all over the scale.  Nice.  I felt bad for the nurse who had to clean it up but later she said she had a 10 month old boy so I figure she is used to little boys spraying at least.  When I related the story to David his first question was “So did he weigh less after he peed?”  Dude, I don’t know!  I was too busy carrying my naked urine covered child back to the examining room! 

So the other news is that we will probably wait until around 6 months to stop the Prevacid.  Sounds like a plan to me since he still spits up a lot so stopping it now would probably be a bad idea.  He has eczema for sure and I am kind of ticked because I thought breastfeeding was supposed to keep him from getting that?!  Also irritated that he totally inherited it from me.  Sigh.  Stupid sensitive skin genes.

My pedi wants ECI (early childhood intervention) to come out and make sure Matthew is okay as far as his development since he is not rolling, and wasn’t doing too great of a job in front of her as far as lifting his head on his tummy and supporting any weight on his feet.  I know he CAN do those things to some extent, but he was sleepy during the doctor visit because he was due for a nap (which I told her and she acted like she understood).  Anyway, she wasn’t super concerned but said she’d rather have him evaluated now while this is minor just in case it’s something where he falls too far behind.  So…I dunno one part of me thinks it’s overkill, the other part says it’s not going to hurt just to get him evaluated.  I guess some parents flip out if they are told their child is less than anything perfect and wonderfully advanced.  But you know, it’s not a big deal.  It has no bearing on intelligence whether he rolls at 3 months or 5 months. 

He is however, extremely vocal.  I’ve had numerous people comment on that.  I find it highly amusing to think that perhaps my husband and I have somehow produced a little extrovert?  You just never know. 

I marvel over him at any little thing he does.  If he wakes up when I put him down and drifts back to sleep on my own, I exclaim to my husband, “He’s such a GOOD BABY!  He just went back to sleep BY HIMSELF.  He’s SO GOOD.”  (Nevermind what I say when he is refusing to stay asleep when I put him down…)  Or yesterday I was blowing raspberries at him in the car and I could see him moving his lips and trying to sputter them.  “He’s SO SMART.  He is trying to imitate me!  He’s SO SMART!” 

Yep, I am one of those moms.  But in my defense, I usually only subject my husband and Matthew’s grandparents to these proclamations.  And of coure, they agree with me that he is stunningly brilliant.