Posted by: expectingamiracle | December 5, 2010

Obsessing

I’ve been having a slight obesssion with numbers and comparisons between my pregnancies.  It’s hard to believe this is my 4th pregnancy, and that means I have 3 others to compare this one to.

My 3rd pregnancy, the chemical.   I had an hcg of 15 and a progesterone of 6 at 12 or 13 dpo, don’t remember exactly.  Either way, not good.  I also had spotting right around when I got my bfp and my tests were very light.  So based on my great hcg and progesterone bloodwork and dark tests, I think it is safe to say this pregnancy will NOT be like pregnancy #3. 

If we want to compare it to my first pregnancy, my miscarriage, it gets a bit trickier.  My tests started off fairly light when I initially tested at 12 dpo.  But obviously one cannot directly compare pregnancy test darkness from over 3 years ago, even with the might FRER.  My tests did get darker over time, but it’s hard to compare how quickly, because I mostly used cheapy tests and not FRERs after the initial test.  I did not have my hcg drawn until I was over 6 weeks pregnant, at 29 dpo.  My hcg then was 4800 and 2 days later it was 6500, with a doubling time of 4.7 days.  Rising, yes, but not good at how quickly.  If you look at betabase, for 29 dpo the average hcg is 11,700.  So my number was significantly lower.  It doesn’t go past 30 dpo, but for that date the average is 15,300.  If you compare that to my level at 31 dpo (6500) then things are really not looking good.  And I know that is just an average, but I can’t help but think that not only was my hcg not rising well, it was probably also too low in general.  The question is, was it lower than average even starting out, or did my pregnancy start out normal and then have the hcg rise slow down over time?  I also had my progesterone drawn around that time and I think it was around 9. 

And then of course, there is pregnancy #2, also known as Matthew.  My hcg at 12 dpo with him was 99.  The average is 37 for that day.  I declined getting another hcg drawn that time, so I have no idea how it rose.  I also didn’t have my progesterone drawn, since I was going on suppositories regardless.  I would love to believe that this pregnancy will be like my 2nd, with a healthy baby at the end.  With my 13 dpo level of 106, the average on betabase is 62, so it is still nicely above the average.

This morning I had a tiny bit of spotting when I wiped.  Nothing since.  I feel like it is probably that my cervix got irritated from sticking the progesterone suppository up my hooha.  But of course ANY sign of blood tends to freak me out and make me worry.  I also don’t have sore boobs this time around, but I don’t remember when that symptom started when I was pregnant with Matthew.  It may very well have been later.  Again, it still makes me nervous because I didn’t have sore boobs with my miscarriage either.    My obsessive self wishes I had kept better notes throughout my pregnancies about symptoms and when they started.

The next hurdle is my hcg draw tomorrow.  If my doubling time looks good, I will relax a little.  Then the next thing up, I assume, will my be first ultrasound.  In a way, I really want it done before Christmas, so I can know one way or another how this is going and not go crazy with waiting.  On the other hand, I don’t want to have it done too early and freak out if I don’t see a heartbeat OR if it’s bad news, that will make for a sad Christmas.  I wish I was due just a week earlier and it would be a much easier decision.

I was supposed to have my first ultrasound with Matthew at 6 weeks and a few days, but a hurricane came through and postponed it until 7 weeks and a few days.  Based on my ovulation date, I will be 6w5d on the 22nd.  If we go by LMP, it would be 6w3d.  Which incidentally, doesn’t make sense to me, because I thought LMP dates based your ovulation on day 14.  If that were true I should only be one day “off” the LMP date because I ovulated on day 13, however I am two days “off”.  

Anyway,  I am assuming that my RE’s office will still be doing appointments that close to Christmas.  And I’m assuming that will be far enough along to see a heartbeat.  So I may have that be the date that I shoot for when making my appointment.

Here is one good thing, and yet another thing to obsess over.  My test from today is definitely darker.  But is it *enough* darker?  I swear, I had forgotten how crazy the first trimester makes me, especially before my first ultrasound.

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