Posted by: expectingamiracle | September 28, 2010

Return of the Cooter Cam!

Ever since my chemical pregnancy, I’ve been having spotting late into my cycles.  AF will be gone and yet I keep having tiny tiny bits of spotting for days and days later.  I finally decided that I needed to suck it up and see my OB.

I wasn’t sure what she’d do, but I was led into the cooter cam room.  Hooray!  It’s been far too long, hah.  She commented on the bruises on my legs and I had to tell her that my son bites me.  She probably thinks he is a little monster now.  He really is a sweetie, I get hugs and kisses all day long.  But yes, he still bites, and it only takes a few to make my pale legs look like a piranha has gone after them.

She didn’t see anything that she was concerned about.  Nothing on the cervix that would cause bleeding, no polyps in the uterus.  In fact, she said my uterine lining looked good and it had a “triple layer” that they like to see.  The only other thing she said they could do would be to look in my uterus with a camera and scrape some cells (I’m assuming biopsy) but she said that is much too drastic for what I’m dealing with.  She saw a big follicle on my right ovary and I was instructed to “get busy”.  Well okay then. 

I don’t know if she gave me some special OB baby dust up the cooter cam or what, but I am pretty sure I ended up ovulating that night, sooner than she (or I) expected.  Luckily I “got busy” that night so you never know.  She for some reason had a lot of confidence that I was going to get pregnant.  Not sure why.  After I reminded her that Matthew was a Clomid baby, she said she’d give me Clomid next cycle if I wanted.  I don’t think I will next cycle, as we’ll be going on vacation and I don’t want to deal with possible side effects.  But maybe the next after that?  Or maybe I’ll go back to the RE?  Maybe I’ll get acupuncture again?  I don’t know…I have lots of things to mull over.

I was telling one of my online friends just recently that up till now I have been unwilling to confront the fact that I will need medical assistance to get pregnant again.  It’s so much nicer to stick my head in the sand and pretend that it will happen on its own, especially after having a chemical pregnancy and thinking “I can get pregnant on my own”.  I know the minute I get any sort of medical assistance, I will start obsessing over it even more.  I will get my hopes up.  I haven’t wanted to deal with the sadness, the pain I will feel as time marches on.   Maybe part of me thought if I “just relaxed” it would happen, especially since “you’re more fertile after having a baby”.  Oh please, shoot me now!

This is me trying to convince myself to suck it up.  Put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  That first step is always a scary one…

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