Posted by: expectingamiracle | September 19, 2010

September 17

September 17.  I wonder if the date will always stick with me or if someday I’ll fail to remember.  I was busy this weekend, spending time with my family (which was wonderful and deserves a post of its own) so I didn’t have a whole lot of time to think about it.  I remembered, but didn’t linger.  I got home today and have been melancholy ever since.

This September 17 marked 3 years since I was told our first baby didn’t have a heartbeat.

2 years ago to the day, I saw Matthew on ultrasound for the first time.

A year ago, I was just where I wanted to be.

And this year?  Overall, I am pretty happy.  I have my precious boy.  My world is totally different than it was before I had him in my life.  I am so lucky.  TTC troubles loom in the background but no matter what happens with that,  I have my Matthew.

When I think back to where I was just 3 years ago, I feel a stab of pain.  I remember all too well what it felt like, to lose my first, longed for baby. 

I miss him.  I still wish it could have been different.


  1. Thinking of you as you approach this sad milestone.
    here from lfca

  2. My son’s 8th anniversary just passed. Gosh, has it really been 8 years?? Time does soften the bite, but this year, I felt pretty low. I have much to be grateful about, so meditating on those things has been helpful for me. One thing I learned over the years is that I don’t always think about each anniversary, but the heart always remembers …I get symptoms every year, but sometimes don’t realize what’s wrong until the next day.

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