Posted by: expectingamiracle | March 8, 2009

Dad

My dad is now in a home for seniors.  Less of a “nursing home” but still 24 hour care.  He isn’t happy about it.  He wants to go home.  And to be fair, I don’t know how we could expect him to be okay with it.  He’s lost a lot of independence in a very short period of time.
He still has some delusions, but the medications keep him from being so anxious and agitated about them.  It’s a very different type of dementia from Alzheimers, because for now, he still knows everyone and is still “with it” in many ways, just slowed down.  He can still talk to my mom about which accounts they should put their tax refund in to draw the best interest.
I worry about my mother.  She worries.  I worry.  What if he just flat out refused to stay there?  She does not have medical power of attorney.  For now, she insinuates to him that if he decided to up and leave and go live at home, that they could send him back to the mental hospital.  And I think she wants him to continue believing this, because it makes her not the bad guy.  Dad already thinks she should forget what the doctors say and take care of him at home.  He doesn’t get it and I don’t think we can explain it to him.  Another worry is that if he understands that the reason he can’t live at home is because of his delusions, that he will start hiding them.  Then there is worry about money as well and what this means long term. 
To add onto all this now he is having urinary incontinence and in one instance, fecal incontinence.  We have no idea if this is medication related or dementia related.  It bothers Dad, understandably so.  And it stabs into my heart to hear that my mother brought him some Depends today for him for times when they might go out (to the doctor or whatever). 
And then I read about what will probably happen in the future.  Memory loss, not knowing who we are, vegetative state.  And I feel like I am suffocating from the thought of it.  My dad…
For reference, my parents live about 4 hours away from me.  Mom was talking to Dad and said something about me and the baby.  And Dad told her that he had to be out of there and back at home by May.  That he had to be there when I have the baby. 
All I can do is cry.

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Responses

  1. I think I’ve said it all before. I can’t imagine what you must be going through, and I’m so sorry.

  2. Something that we found that helped patients at an assisted living I worked at was to get a video of when they are having their bad moments. And then when they are having a good moment show it to them….it does help them realize WHAT is going on with them at times. Many times they don’t realize what its like for the family/staff, when the see how hard it is they usually grasp why they are there more. Its just a trick from my days of working with dementia patients.


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