Posted by: expectingamiracle | December 21, 2008

And a sad moment too

The doctor came in to check the ultrasound and looked at my chart.   With a chipper voice, “So this is baby #2?  No…baby #1”. 

And I knew exactly why.

Gravida 2.  Para 0.  Soon it will be Gravida 2, Para 1.  But we can all do the math.  One is missing.

I hadn’t thought about it until Cara brought it up in her comment, but this may be part of why it was a little hard to hear I was having a boy.  I started off TTC wanting a little boy born in spring.  I am getting exactly what I wished for.  It’s just not quite the way I expected it to happen.  I had another boy, once upon a time, and he was supposed to be born in the spring as well.

I talked to my mother about it and told her I couldn’t help but think sometimes about my first baby and what might have been.  My mom almost always knows what to say and I know it comes from her heart.  “I know.  I think about it sometimes too.”  And it helps, to know she remembers. 

It helps to know others understand.

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Responses

  1. Your Mom sounds wonderful. I think there will probably always be a little of that “something lost” feeling, no matter how many babies and happy memories come after the miscarriage.

  2. We do understand and we aren’t afraid to say the things that others find, odd.

    It’s ok to grieve the loss of what you thought would be and should be. This is why my best friend forced me to find out the sex of the baby. I didn’t want to know, but she said, “If you have another girl and find out at birth – then have the reaction I know you will, your bonding time will be delayed. Find out now. Deal with your feelings and emotions now. You’ll be better prepared to meet your baby.”

    Sometimes I praise the good God above for best friends and mom’s of course. Yours sounds like a gem.


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