Posted by: expectingamiracle | December 18, 2008

Ultrasound

Baby looks to be perfectly healthy.  You can’t ask for better than that.  Well, you could ask that baby not be stomping around on my bladder, which is exactly what baby is doing, but let’s not get carried away.  It’s actually kind of funny to me because hey!  Now I know why I have to pee ALL THE TIME. 

Oh?  You would like to know gender? 

Well it was pretty obvious.

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It’s a BOY! 

More pictures.

His little fingers and arm…

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A couple pics of his face that are, well, a little creepy looking to be honest.  LOL.

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And finally, a few good profile shots.

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Let me preface what I’m about to say next by saying, I am mostly thrilled to be having a little boy.  I am certainly thrilled to know baby is healthy.

But…I feel like a putz.  Because part of me wanted a girl.  It is strange.  From the get go, I have kind of wanted a boy.  I am not a girly girl.  Raising a girl sounds scary.  But my mom started “talking up” having a girl, because she didn’t want me to be disappointed if that’s what I was having.  And some of it started to sound pretty good.  You know the whole, “a son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter’s a daughter for all of her life”.  And that is how it is with me and my mom, we’re very close.  So it sounded pretty good to have that with a daughter of my own.  But I still wanted a boy too.  So either way, I was bound to be both excited and disappointed, both at the same time.  Add to that, that I have been super busy the last few days, I am tired I think, and my emotions are on overdrive bigtime.  But holy crap what is wrong with me?!  After all I’ve been through to have a baby, I’m having one, he is healthy and I was the one who wanted a boy for crying out loud.  So I get exactly what I want and yet I’m still a little sad to be stashing those pink girl clothes away?  It makes no sense to me.  

Maybe some of it is the anxiety I feel when I start thinking about having another baby in the future.  I do feel in some way that I need/want a little girl *someday*, but it makes me anxious to think about how TTC will go next time and how hard it could be to get pregnant again. 

Anyway, this evening I went back and read some of my grief/ttc posts.  And it made me start bawling.  Things like this.  https://expectingamiracle.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/sometimes-it-just-hits/ 
I was crying and holding my belly and telling my son how glad I am that he is here.  How much I love him.  Because I do.  I love him with everything I have in me.

But I still kind of feel like a putz.

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Responses

  1. Congrats on a healthy baby boy!

  2. It’s so natural to “want” one sex or the other. I felt the same way about wanting a girl “someday” but I also reminded myself that if I have more kids, how cool is it for a girl (or even another boy) to have a Big brother? When he comes, you’ll be so overwrought with joy that you’ll probably wonder how you could possibly have wanted to have a girl instead! (That’s how I felt. 🙂 Glad to hear that everything still looks peachy! (By the way, aren’t those profile shots amazing where you can see the ribs?? SO COOL.)

  3. Oh Hon – grief morphs into every aspect of our birth experiences. It sucks but it’s real. I remember convincing myself I was pregnant with a boy after Emma died because, what else could it be? God certainly wouldn’t torture me further by giving me another girl to look upon and see Emma – to compare and wonder and feed my unanswered questions…would he?

    Well – he did. And the moment that lab tech said with a bright smiling face, “It’s a girl!” – I burst into tears and begged, “could you be wrong?”.

    Yeah – totally appropriate response – not. But it was MY response and it was totally right-on for where I was in my process.

    Sad and Scared…

    Congrats on your boy – your HEALTHY boy!

  4. Congrats on your precious baby!!!!

    Mary

  5. Congratulations!!!! Little boys are so much fun.

    I remember when I was pregnant with my first son. I just KNEW the baby was a boy. But when we went ot our 20 week US they told us quite unexpectedly that it was a girl. Now, I had always dreamed of having a little girl, but I distinctly remember walking to the elevator and Billy asking “Well, what do you think?” and I remember tearing up and saying “It is wonderful, but I am going to miss the little boy that I was sure I was having”. My father named the baby Cory (he passed 5 weeks before the baby was born), and life moved on.

    Fast forward to delivery day. I had an emergency c-section, and when Bill’s uncle (my doc) pulled the baby out, he burst out laughing and said “Oh my gosh, it’s a boy!” and Bill was laughing and crying and saying “Did you hear that. It’s a boy, Jody!!!!” and I was going “what the heck????”

    The very second I saw Cory and touched him, I was in love, and I never thought twice about his gender.

    It will be the same for you.

  6. Congratulations! Don’t feel guilty. Every mom feels a hint of that. If it had been a girl, you would’ve felt guilty that you had wanted a girl, and “what if it had been a boy?”!

    You’re a mom now. Welcome to the world of looking for reasons to feel guilty! *wink*


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