Posted by: expectingamiracle | October 28, 2008

Stepping off the anxiety train (I hope)

I haven’t been around all that much.  I was busy for awhile with my mom visiting.  We had a great time and bought lots of baby things (mostly clothes) and a few maternity shirts.  Then after she left, I’ve been riding on the anxiety train.  Nothing has happened, I’ve just been nervous about various stuff; stopping my progesterone, a headache that wouldn’t go away, wondering if I could have hurt my baby by working with a non pathogenic bacteria strain (OB says no, don’t worry about it).  Now that I’ve been totally off the progesterone for two nights, I feel better.  I’ve got a doctor visit in two days so that will do me a lot of good to get that behind me.  There is a sick little voice in the back of my head that says, “Yeah you are in the 2nd trimester, but the baby could have already died in the past 4 weeks and you just don’t know it.”  But I just have to tell that voice to shut up and remind myself that I have had NO bleeding at all and that’s a very, very good sign.  I have no reason to think anything is wrong other than my own personal paranoia.  My mom really got it the other day.  “You feel like your body let you down before and now it’s hard to trust it.”  Exactly.  Anyway, I’m feeling better today.

In related news, my thyroid is apparently back to normal.  TSH is 0.509 and FreeT4 is 1.16.  I’m still not sure about the autoantibodies but the nurse said everything was in the normal ranges so I’m assuming I don’t have any autoimmune thing going on.  Yay!

My husband was on my case this weekend about not eating vegetables (umm, nausea has made that difficult, thanks).  And not cooking.  I think he knew I was ticked at him because I got several “dinner was really good”, “thank you for making dinner” comments after I made pork loin last night.

He was sitting at his computer last night and I came to sit on his lap.  Then we had BOTH cats jump into my lap, which has never happened.  One of them is far too skittish and the other far too terretorial to share a lap.  So there we were, like a big dogpile…err…catpile.  I laughed and told my husband it was “just the 5 of us”.  I do wonder if the cats know something is up and that I’m pregnant or if they were simply using my lap in order to get close to my husband.  Probably the latter.

Well, it’s almost time to go argue with my insurance company again over progesterone coverage.  Last time I cried.  I have to get in the mean zone before I call.  Right now I just feel like I’m in the cold zone.  It is 68 degrees in this house and I’m FREEZING!  Which is kind of pitiful.  I would not survive up north.

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Responses

  1. Good luck with the anxiety. I know I’ll feel the same way when/if I get pregnant again – that gripping fear that everything’s not all right. I’m thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed that everything is good.

  2. I was a nervous wreck my whole pregnancy. If I ever get pregnant again I plan to be really relaxed!

  3. you are in my thoughts and prayers! Everything is going to be wonderful and perfect! I envy you (the good envy 😉 ) I am a recent 3b cervical cancer survivor (diagnosed at 28) Now I cant have kids so that makes me sad.

    Anyway, on a happier note:

    I saw that you entered a giveaway to win a Starbucks Gift Card and thought you would like my Giveaway!

    Im giving away 1 lb of Gourmet Coffee or Tea from my new online coffee shop: Get The Bean.

    We will be doing giveaways weekly so be sure to stop by often.

    http://www.getthebean.blogspot.com

  4. Awwww catpile, thats so cute. I’m glad your relaxing some. (and hoping your not googling anymore! LOL)

  5. Happy thoughts for you!


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