Posted by: expectingamiracle | August 26, 2008

I could not ask for more

Day 6 of being pregnant!  Or well, knowing that I’m pregnant anyway. 

I’ve spent some time thinking about loss and fear.  And about my response to them.  My thoughts are…if the worst happens, what do I lose from being optimistic?  Well, I guess I would feel badly that I got my hopes up only to lose the baby.  But what do I lose by being pessimistic?  I lose the only time I get to spend loving my child while he/she is here.  And to me, that seems infinitely worse.

I look back on the time I was pregnant with Thomas and I want to tell myself…no, don’t get those hcg levels done, wait a little longer for the ultrasound…give yourself more time with your baby where you are just loving him and thinking that it’s going to be okay. 

I think Melissa (thanks girl) has it spot on.  I can’t let fear steal my joy.  And it’s hard.  I knew it would be, but I didn’t realize how often the worry would start creeping back in.  All I can do is pray each time it happens, that I can remain joyful and thankful for what I have.  Yesterday I was not so good with that.  Today I am much better.

Courtesy of Sara Evans:

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I’ve had’s come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I’m meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me
No, I could not ask for more
Than this love you gave me
Cause it’s all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more
No, I could not ask for more

I am right where I’m meant to be.  Right here at 4 weeks and 3 days, loving my baby.  It’s everything I’ve longed for, everything I’ve prayed for.  I could not ask for more.

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Responses

  1. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I agree that you should not cheat yourself out of the joy of being pregnant. Enjoy every moment.

    from iclw

  2. It can be tough to live in the moment and push all of those old fears aside.

    Best of wishes to you on this journey.

  3. I don’t blame you. Hold onto that hope and joy as long as you can. It’s true, we don’t lose anything by being optimistic.

    *hugs* Good luck!

    ICLW

  4. You are exactly right. Enjoy EVERY minute. (ICLW)

  5. Hi! I think I can relate. I once responded in my blog that although I wanted a BFP, I was scared to have it also because of previous losses,

    But really, we want it sooo much that I will take all of its scariness.

    Wish you the best, courage and joy throughout your pregnancy!


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