Posted by: expectingamiracle | June 16, 2008



We went to a pick your own blueberry farm yesterday.  I picked 7.17 lbs and Deer picked 7.07 lbs.   All hail my superior gathering skillz.   In case you are wondering, that is a whole freakin’ lot of blueberries.  We gave some to this parents and grandparents.  We still have tons and they are so yummy.

When we got there, Deer looked around at all the blueberry bushes and familes there and commented, “Hey, we should take our kids here.”  It made me smile because usually I’m the one talking about our future kids.

We had a good time, just the two of us.  It was odd in a way, how nice it was.  For those few hours, it felt okay that it was just Deer and I.  I could never forget about Thomas.  I think of him and miss him every day.  But yesterday the hole that’s in my heart wasn’t so noticeable.

As we were driving home, somehow the conversation turned to the challenges we faced while we were dating.  Mainly the absolute crazyness that went on with my inlaws during that time (long story).  I thought back to how very, very hard it was at times.  There were times when I was in so much pain, when I thought there was no solution, when I just couldn’t see how it would ever be okay and normal.  I thought of this as he drove and my fingers sifted through his hair.  “You were worth it”, I said.  “I’d do it all again.” 

I couldn’t see it at the time, how it would all play out; that it would be okay in the end.  But it was.  I can look back now and say that every fight, every tear, every night spent longing for him was worth it.  I need reminders sometimes, of what the two of us went through, before we got to this place in our lives.

For those few hours in the blueberry fields, it was just the two of us. 

And that was enough.

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