Posted by: expectingamiracle | May 28, 2008


I’ve been missing church.  And longer than I’ve been missing church, I’ve been missing fellowship.  It’s hard when all your close friends are scattered to the winds.  It’s even harder when they are all single, or married but don’t desire children.  I still love all my friends; I love spending time with them and talking to them.  But.  There are some things they just don’t get and I don’t expect them to.

I never really felt like we made close connections with those at our old church.  Neither does Deer.  I’m sure our introverted selves are a lot to blame for that.  Still, I can’t help but want more than the superficial “oh hi, how you are doing?  just fine”.  I want some real life, living close by, Christian friends.  But it seems so hard.

I’m going about it differently this time.  I’ve emailed several churches in the area asking if they have a support group for miscarriage/infertility.  I want to connect with others who are going through the same thing.  I want the relationships first and the church second, since it didn’t seem to work so well the other way around.

The sad thing is, although I know this heartbreak is so common, it’s not ministered to very often.  I did find one pastor who said they had a group in the past and that he will look into starting a new group.  He also said he could find me a “girlfriend” to talk to.  He also said if I needed a pastor, that he could talk with me, and that he and his wife had experienced stillbirth.  He really cared.  He said he would pray for me.  I lost it and started bawling as I read that email.

I praying the he starts a group.  I’m praying that this leads me to where I’m supposed to be.



  1. The problem with starting groups like this, is that so many women don’t tell anyone of their loss. Unless the loss occurs after everyone knows that person is pregnant; it just isn’t spoken about. After I lost my baby, people came out of the woodwork and spoke of their losses…sometimes multiple losses. I had no idea this was the case with many of them. I was blown away.
    People grieve in their own way and often times that is a “personal at home” kind of grieving. I know that hospitals have the support groups you are looking for, churches have spiritual healing kind of groups. You are definitely going about looking for your church the right way though. I hope you find your “right fit” through this pastor. He seems to be a wonderful leader. Hopefully, his spiritual community is as wonderful.

    Good luck!

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