Posted by: expectingamiracle | April 13, 2008

I am really upset

I am really upset right now and don’t know what to think.

Deer’s sister called and told us she is pregnant.  Not only that but she is 5 months pregnant.  With her boyfriend who she is not even serious about.  She didn’t even know until 5 weeks ago.

Right now people in Deer’s family are trying to tell her she should give the baby up for adoption.  Her boyfriend wants to live together and raise the baby with her and I think that’s what she will probably do even though I know the family will be upset if they aren’t married, plus they believe this guy isn’t marriage material.  I don’t know the guy, so I’m not going to make judgement on that.

My feelings are all over the place.  I feel bad for my SIL because I know this isn’t great for her.  She was trying to get her life together and go back to school and now all of a sudden this happens.  But at the same time I am so jealous. Why does it get to be her and not me?  Just hearing her talk and say that she is thinking about what is best for the baby and how all her hormones are going crazy and how it would rip her apart to have to give her baby up…it kills me because I want that.  I want to have a baby growing inside of me and love it so much and know I would do anything for it.

I know it’s petty, but I’m also upset that now we won’t be the ones to make my in-laws grandparents. She will get to have the first grandchild. If we hadn’t lost our Dear One, he would be born right around now, everyone would be excited for us and then SIL’s baby would have a cousin close in age.

I haven’t had to deal with anyone really close to me being pregnant before now.  I thought I wouldn’t have to since no one I know is TTC.  Now I know I’ll have to watch her belly get bigger, go to her baby shower, see and hold her baby and have a new little niece or nephew when I so desperately want a baby of my own.  I don’t know how I’m going to hold it together and be there for her when she has everything I’ve hoped for growing inside her.

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Responses

  1. One of the hardest things in the world to accept; is that life continues after a loss. It stings so bad when those close to us conceive (and they didn’t even plan to). I am so sorry you are feeling sad. There really is nothing else to say.
    Just know that there are people out there who understand EXACTLY what you are going through. You are continually in my prayers.
    I will add an extra one to give you the strength to support your SIL when it appears she isn’t going to get it from her family. Everyone needs to feel wanted. Even if this child is born into an inconvenient situation, does that mean she doesn’t love and want this child? God will provide…he always does.
    Blessings.

  2. I know exactly how you feel. A close friend of mine fell pregnant when she wasn’t even planning to, and then kept spreading the news around like it was nothing, and she knew we had been trying for the last two years. Sometimes i feel life is so unfair! People who don’t have the slightest interest are having babies, yet those who really want them and would love to love and nurture them are left waiting. All i can say is i hope it’s our time soon!
    I know the jealousy you feel, i felt it too, but if you let it get to you it will ruin your friendship/relationship. I know you wanted to have the first grandchild, but think of it this way, when your baby does come along, it will be the best cared for baby, you will make it’s grandparents proud! 🙂


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