Posted by: expectingamiracle | August 31, 2007

And just like that…

…it may be over.  My hcg levels are increasing very slowly and not doubling the way they should be.  The ultrasound showed a gestataional sac and yolk sac, but no baby or heartbeat.  The doctor thinks I  will probably miscarry.

I am heartbroken.  I called my mom.  I called my brother.  I called my MIL.  It was not the way I wanted to tell them, but I need their prayers and support.

I don’t know if I should hope.   I guess there is still a possibility of this baby making it, but I don’t know how good my chances are.

 I can’t be like everyone else in my family and pray for God’s will to be done.  I just can’t.  I know I will have to accept it and I know I eventually will, if this baby is not meant to be.  But I have to pray that this baby will live.  Because I am selfish like that.

I don’t want to know that “at least I can get pregnant”.  Yes, that is nice.  But I want *this* baby.  The one I have wished and prayed for.  The one that has been a reality the past 3 weeks.  The one I have already written letters to. 

I am a wreck.  I should know more in a week.

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Responses

  1. You must be just shy of 6 weeks, right? It is not uncommon to just see a yolk sac at this point.

    I don’t want to give you false hope. I know how it feels. I have had 5 m/c, and it really stinks when people say things like it is GOd’s will and “at least you can get pregnant” and my favorite “there will be other babies”.

    My son said it the best. When I had my first miscarriage, I was around 7 weeks or so, and my boys knew about it. Cody, then 4 had already named the baby Sarah. When we told him I had lost the baby, he got very upset and cried. I told him that we could name the next baby Sarah if it was a girl and he replied: “No! This baby was Sarah. There will never be another Sarah”.

    Hugs to you!!


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